


Secret Memories

by Yemi Hikari (Yemi_Hikari)



Series: Fanfic Friday [36]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Amnesia, Contest Entry, F/M, Karura (Naruto) Lives, Letters, Love Letters, Misunderstandings, Romance, Secret Admirer, Secret Admirer Contest, Slow Burn, fanfic friday
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yemi_Hikari/pseuds/Yemi%20Hikari
Summary: When a person loses all of their memories, everyone becomes a stranger to them. Thus the person who happens to be their significant other will become a complete stranger. As such when Karura loses her memories, she doesn't recognize Rasa as her husband. The forth Kazekage on the other hand struggled with confessing to her in the first place.
Relationships: Karura/Rasa (Naruto)
Series: Fanfic Friday [36]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818250
Kudos: 3
Collections: (Prompts) Fanfic Friday, A Whisper to the  Dark Side, Focus on Female Characters, Naruto: Kazekage Family Line, Naruto: Rasa Lives





	1. Becoming Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer – I do not own Naruto. This was written for the nineteenth Fanfic Friday contest for Wattpad. The theme is "secret admirer", and needs to be seven thousand or less, but also feature an OTP. I picked Rasa and Karura for this one. I also got sick on the last day of the contest, so I was only ever to get two chapters done, which means I can go ahead and turn this into a longer piece. (1774 words...)
> 
> Despite the fact the piece didn't end up finished like I wanted, I still ended up being one of the winners for this one. I'm also hoping to get another piece written, which was for another contest, which yet again didn't get done because I got sick like I did. That's a short one-shot. It's from a very obscure fandom though.
> 
> P.S. Happy Valentines! Glad I'm able to post this today. :)

The smell of medical supplies drifted up the nostrils, strangling the throat, resulting in the tight, dry feeling feel worse. Rasa hands clenched as the lights in the hospital room flickered slightly indicating one of the long fluorescent bulbs needed changing. The man's eyes closed briefly, a sweat breaking out on his hands and armpits. The man licked his lips, his brown eyes looking down at the woman in the hospital bed.

The sweet smile of Karura's he loved was missing, replaced with a deathly paleness under her sandy colored locks. Near the woman lay an infant, just as tiny and fragile as Rasa's significant other. A burning feeling arose around the sides of his throat, and his ear drums, the words spoke by the doctors trying to save his wife falling on deaf ears. Words flew out of the man's mouth when they first mentioned Karura's heart beat failing, but now no motion came from his mouth, and his mind felt numb.

" _I've not felt this way in a long time._ " Rasa's right hand clenched up, his mouth hanging open. Confusion buzzed around in his head, and the urge to reach out to the woman he loved sent shudders down his spine, the nasty feeling of panic preventing him from moving. " _This is the feeling I felt when I struggled to confess to her._ "

The sound of the small infant crying softly brought the man back to reality, and he saw one of the nurses moving the child out of the room. A nasty taste filled Rasa's throat, and his hand reached out for the child, but stopped short, moving only a smidgen. The red haired child's eyes opened up, revealing a cool, sea foam green eye that seemed to pierce the soul. One of the doctors approached him, and a commanding voice almost no one ever used with him outside of the council pierced his skull, leaving a lousy feeling.

"Lord Kazekage, we need you to leave. We need to prep Lady Karura for surgery, if we are to save her."

Rasa felt the color leave his face, and felt as if he were right there dying with her. He followed after the nurse who removed the small child, and watched as she set the boy into a room by himself, left all alone. The man reached out a hand, letting the child grab onto his calloused index finger. The babe's thin digits wrapped around in a soft manner, making the man's throat tighten even more. Shinobi didn't need feelings, and yet he felt his heart breaking.

How long he remained there watching the child he did not know. It was enough time for someone to come in to care for the newborn a couple of times, and finally a doctor came, telling Rasa to come see his wife. The man slipped into the room, and a smile fluttered across his face upon seeing Karura's beautiful Indigo eyes. Everything shattered at the look of confusion on her face as she simply stared. Then came the words out of her mouth.

"Who are you?"

…

The world around her felt fuzzy, her eyelids heavy as she tried waking up from the darkness. Every so often she felt a beast looking at her from behind, eating away at her, and wearing her down. A pin prick of white light popped into her view, and she turned towards the change, heading non-stop towards the light. Upon opening up her eyes she saw a white ceiling, and yet everything remained fuzzy. Her eyes darted around watching the doctors, not hearing what they said.

A deep breath escaped her lips, the hope that someone she knew remaining. Here eyes widened when a man with auburn colored hair, and brown eyes stepped into the room. Her fingers tightened around the hospital sheets, and her mind remained dead to her memories, the confusion rattling around in her head. The smile on the man's face quickly left, and she knew he was concerned. "Who are you?"

"Karura?" The man's voice strained at that point, and she realized the stranger wouldn't leave – something indicated he knew her.

Her indigo eyes began to look the man over, and a slight heat filtered into her cheeks, and at the tip of her ears. The man in front of her, he was honestly quite handsome. His jaw line certainly pleased her eye, and the man was rather well built, his body structure indicating he participated in some kind of physical activity. For a minute Karura's mind drifted to imagining the man without his clothes, and she quickly lectured herself for such dirty thoughts.

Karura's eyes drifted to the ground, her mind becoming aware of the fact she was dressed in hospital robes. "Apologies, but I don't think it's appropriate for a strange man to be in the hospital room of an unmarried woman."

She saw the man's face fall, the eyes fall to the ground as the color left his face. "I apologize. I'll come back another time."

The sandy haired woman felt her chest tighten, as if she lost something important. " _Not as if I'd be lucky to catch the attention of such a person._ "


	2. Not Good Enough

Not knowing oneself brought a heat to Karura's cheeks, and a fluttering of thoughts to her mind. Not knowing the place ended up disorientating, and her thoughts buzzed around her head. Her breath came soft on her lips, but the inability to sort out her thoughts left a tense crick either side of her neck bone. The auburn haired man also came back a few times, but her cheeks heated up, and her voice strained as she repeated what she said before.

A man with hair the color of sand, and eyes the color of indigo came to visit her, and she told him the same thing. The auburn haired man always seemed disappointed, and hurt, but the sandy colored man simply smiled softly, and said just as little as the other man. Doctors and nurses came and went, but no one told her who she was, and she found herself having to discover this on her own, as one doctor put it, " _it is best if you remember on your own_ ".

Looking out the window Karura saw warm sun beating down, but the rays felt ever so distant. She remained so focused on the outside world she didn't see a nurse bring in a tray of food, and her head turned back when the nurse called for her. Her eyes darted down the food, and she noticed a note on the tray, her thin fingers picking up the piece of paper. "What is this?"

"You've got a secret admirer, Lady Karura." The nurse became giggly, and Karura stared at the woman wondering why she didn't react in the same way.

Two indigo eyes drifted down to the paper, and read the words. " _Karura – You are my heaven, and my earth._ " A sigh escaped her lips, her mind wondering why anyone would do something so strange. More notes eventually came. " _Karura, I know you don't remember me, but I remember you. You've always been my angel,_ " was the first to pull her attention, but...

"I'm not sure if this is actually an appropriate manner for someone to romance someone."

"You don't think so?"

Karura's head darted up to look at the sandy haired young man standing in the doorway.

"No, I really don't think so. I'd like for this person to confess their feelings to my face."

"And what if they can't?"

"I don't know." Her eyes darted down. " _That auburn haired man doesn't seem like the type to write such things, and I wouldn't be so lucky. This young man, maybe, but he's far from my type. There is that doctor, but I'm not wanting to be romanced by him._ " Her fingers set the paper aside. "I guess it's because I know this can't be from the person I want it to be from. I wouldn't be that lucky for them to give me their attention."

"Karura..." The young man's tone of voice changed, and she looked up to see a frown on his face. "You're a lot luckier then you think. In fact, you're very lucky to be alive."

Karura's indigo eyes blinked a couple of times. "Did you need something?"

"Just to see how you're doing."

…

"Rasa nii-chan!"

The sing song voice from behind him, made Rasa flinch, but also wonder how Yashamaru managed to sneak into the office of the Kazekage without him noticing. A sigh escaped the auburn haired man's lips when he remembered how much like Karura the young man could be. "What do you need?"

"When are you going to confess to my older sister?"

Again the sing song voice made a shudder run down the Lord Kazekage's spine, and his head tilted back to look the sandy haired man in the eye. "Yashamaru..."

"Yes Lord Kazekage?"

"Shouldn't you be seeing to Gaara? He's still not sleeping well, isn't he?"

The soft smile quickly left the young man's face, and the young man leaned forward to hug Rasa around the neck. "Stop trying to change the subject Rasa."

"Stop acting so childish." The auburn haired man pushed his brother-in-law away. "You're a member of the elder council, and an adult now, so you know better."

"Come on. It's just the two of us, and you looked like you could use a hug. Karura's not here to do it, so I've got to do it for her. That's why you should just hurry up and tell her the truth."

"You know it's not that easy. I'm amazed she fell in love with me in the first place."

A sigh escaped the sandy haired young man, and Rasa felt a hand tighten around his shoulder for a few seconds. "I'm not. You should give yourself more credit. Thinking you're not good enough, lucky enough..."

"I'm not. I've got to try though, so I'm doing it this way."


	3. Where is Home?

Not knowing...

Karura sat in her room looking out the window looking up at the full moon, the desire to run, to escape the feelings eating away at her. One delicate hand rested in her lap, her indigo eyes taking in the pure white moon, wishing she could view the beautiful night from a higher place. The night sky, in all it's glory, was the one thing which seemed familiar to her, and yet her body's lack of energy prevented her from reaching out.

Thus the question of what was worse, not knowing who or where one was, or not knowing who kept sending the letters with her meals. The latest Karura clutched in her delicate fingers. " _There is a full moon tonight. When I look at the moon, I'm reminded of the fact I know you're there, but can't reach you._ _I'm not sure how to explain things better._ "

"Far away..." Karura continued to look up at the moon. "That's kind of how I feel right now. I don't know where home is."

I clucking sound was heard from the doorway, and Karura's head turned slightly to see two older people standing in the doorway. One was a short woman, with gray hair, and wrinkled skin, and the other was a man just as short. Both elders exuded a familiar aura to them, and the sandy haired female felt her spirit calm in their presence. The old woman hobbled in, and stood near where Karura sat in the chair. "Do you recognize me dear?"

Karura's indigo eyes stared, trying to remember where she saw them, but her mind drew a blank. Her soft lipped mouth opened, her eyes drifting down as the feeling of regret came floating back. "Apologies. I feel as if I should know the two of you, but I can't remember."

A wrinkled hand reached out to touch Karura's arms gently, and two indigo moons drifted back up to see the old woman smiling at her. "It's all right that you don't remember, Karura dear. It really is."

"It doesn't feel right. It feels like I'm forgetting something important." Karura's delicate hands reached out to touch the soft, wrinkled sand of the old woman.

The woman patted Karura's hand with her free hand, her dark eyes filled with sadness. "Don't worry about that. Do you feel like you would be able to go home, what with your memories the way they are?"

Karura felt her breath draw in. "Home? All that is home, isn't that strange objects, and people? If there are even people to go home to?"

"The doctors say though, going home may bring back memories." The old woman continued to hold the sandy haired woman's hands in a comforting manner. "Don't you want that?"

The young woman found her head drifting to the auburn haired man, and the letters she'd been receiving. "These letters... what kind of person do you think would write them?"

A frown spread across the woman's face, the nimble fingers of the hand resting on top of Karura's taking the letter, carefully reading the contents. A sigh, soft, but filled with frustration escaped the old woman's lips. "A fool. A stubborn fool who doesn't know what's good for him."

"I thought so. It can't be him." Karura looked down at the paper, but a quick realization made her head dart up, a dizzy feeling hitting her head, causing a nausea in her stomach. "Wait, you know who it is?"

The old woman patted her hand, a smile fluttering across her face. "I think that's something you should figure out on your own. Plus, you may not be happy with the answer, or the answer may be what you didn't expect. Take the time. Speaking of which..." The old woman paused. "Since you don't feel like going home, then why don't you come and stay with my brother Ebizo and myself. A doctor would come and visit you, to check up on you, but otherwise it is a peaceful, and quiet place."

Two indigo eyes widened, and Karura attempted to shake her head, only to remember the quick movement would make her head spin. "Wait. I wouldn't want to be a burden to you."

"Burden?" The old woman patted her hand. "You, Lady Karura, are very much like a daughter to me. It would thus be a pleasure for you to come home with me, to stay as long as you need to. You'll be very much loved, and that's something you need right now."

"Yes, but..." Karura looked from the old woman, to the old man, wondering who they were to her, that the old woman would call her daughter despite no blood ties. Her delicate lips pushed together. "What am I supposed to call you?"

"You can cal me Lady Chiyo, mother, grandmother, whichever feels most comfortable for you, Karura dear." Lady Chiyo's hand patted Karura's arm, the old woman's smile remaining there.

The old man who stood with the old lady let out a chuckle. "My goodness, Karura. You managed to make my sister smile. She almost never smiles, you know. Unless of course she's gotten finished pranking me, making me think she's dead."

Karura's free hand lifted up to touch her fingers to her lips, her eyes twinkling as a nice feeling settled into the pit of her stomach, settling some of her anxieties down.

* * *


	4. Where is Mommy?

"When is mommy and the baby coming home?"

Rasa stopped short in the doorway, his brown eyes drifting down to the blond haired girl standing next to him. The girl's hair, her eyes, they looked just like her mothers, and there was that look Karura gave him, demanding an answer from him, but as always his mouth refused to open. Behind the small girl stood another child, their arms wrapped around their siblings waist. Rasa noticed one brown eye, and shoots of brown hair.

"Mommy's not coming home." Rasa watched Temari's frown move, her lips wrinkling up as she took in what he said. The brown eye behind Temari squeezed shut, and a muffled sob was heard from the two year old, and the small arms wrapped tighter around his sister's waist. Rasa felt one corner of his mouth moved, frustration at the fact his eldest son cried way to easily. The auburn haired man tried speaking in a soft manner though to calm the boy, like Karura tried teaching him. "What is the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

Temari's small nose wrinkled up, and the auburn haired man recollected when she was Gaara's age, her small nose wrinkling up as she took in the new world around her. Little wrinkles appeared around the child's beautiful eyes, and her mouth twisted into a childish pout. "You're mean."

"How so?"

"You don't care that mommy's not coming home."

" _I do care._ " Rasa stared at the blond haired child, rather awestruck at how the girl's mind worked. His mouth opened to say something, but found his tongue dry, the words refusing to come out. Temari, that look on her face, the look only appeared when something bothered the three year old. His mind fumbled over the right words, but instead his calloused hand reached down to ruffle soft blond hair, his body kneeling down so he could look right into those beautiful eyes. He felt his mouth twist down, wondering if the words would come.

Temari, however, had something to say. "You are sad too?"

"Yes, I am." Rasa swallowed away the dryness in his throat.

"Where is baby?"

"With Yashamaru." The man took a deep breath. "I am going to see him right now, so be good for when the babysitter comes by, all right?" His calloused hand ruffled the girl's sandy locks some more, realizing no one had done up her hair in the manner Karura adored. " _I could... couldn't. Temari always complains._ " Rasa noticed Kankuro still sobbing, and he leaned to the side to look at his eldest son. "Kankuro?" A hiccup ended up the only response, as the sobs continued to rack the child's small body. "You be good to, right?"

A head of brown hair nodded up, and down once, more hiccups occurring making the boy's body jump. The side of the child's face he could see was streaked with tears, the child's lip trembling. Rasa moved his hand to wipe away the tears with the back of his sleeve, but stopped short at the foreign action, his heart pounding in his throat. " _No. This is Karura's job. What am I going to do without her? She always told me the right way to do these things._ "

A sigh escaped Rasa's throat, his body tensing up as he stood to leave the house, wondering if the two would actually be alright. The auburn haired man's stomach lurched, the pout on Temari's face reminding him of the pout Karura made when things didn't go to her liking. Staying though meant his heart would break, and he slipped from the room as Temari continued to glare, her eyes reflections of her mothers.

The Lord Kazekage headed to the hospital, his shoulders tense as he felt the eyes of Suna upon him, staring, but not saying anything of the plight Rasa went through with his family. The auburn haired man's eyes drifted to the ground, glad that no one tried approaching him, as Rasa knew his words would not come easily. Each step felt like forever, as he took himself towards the room Gaara was in, his throat tightening, not sure what he would see.

Yashamaru stood in the room next to the small crib, the tiny infant resting safely in the sandy haired man's arms. Relief washed over Rasa upon seeing his youngest, and he stepped over to watch Gaara's arms move, his sea foam green eyes open wide. One arm moved up, a calloused finger held out to touch the delicate infant, only to stop short, his throat tightening at the thought of such a small thing breaking.

The smile upon Yashamaru's face left. "He's not a monster, Rasa-nii. You can hold him if you want."

Rasa's eyes blinked a couple of times, his breath drawing sharp, the air stinging his throat. "I can't. I might drop him."

The auburn haired man's brother-in-law let out a humming sound, the smile so reminiscent of Karura's creeping across the young, sandy haired man's face. "I see. I guess asking you just to man up, and confess to nee-chan is out of the question."

The Lord Kazekage choked, a tightening feeling in his nose making him gag, and splutter. "That... you know... that..."

"You should have more faith in yourself, Lord Rasa. You are the Kazekage after all."

"That's not the same." Rasa felt his lips tighten, his anxiety grow. "That's one thing, this is another."

The auburn man opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, as if a rock were lodged in his throat. Yashamaru tilted his head in a childish manner, the smirk he shared with his sister playing across his lips. Something though reminded the Lord Kazekage of the look Temari gave him earlier. "Lady Chiyo, she's taken sis to her place now."

Rasa blinked a couple of times, his tongue pushing against the roof of his mouth. " _Something, there is something about that Yashamaru doesn't like._ " Instead of saying something, as the twinge in his gut told him he should, his tongue feeling like it was weighed down with sand.


	5. Moons and Mirrors

Two indigo colored eyes looked up at the pale moon, Karura's mind still drawn to the fact something felt missing, and more than just memories. A nurse from the hospital helped the sandy haired female into a wheelchair, and the two wrinkled siblings rolled her out the door, into the quiet night. Her eyes closed, the feeling of being closer to the moon washing over her, and she relaxed into the chair while they headed to where Lady Chiyo and Ebizo lived.

A crunching sound under the wheels made Karura wonder, and her indigo eyes saw the grainy sand strewn across the path. The pale moon drew her indigo eyes up to the night sky, and the bright white stars twinkling away. Eventually they came to a place up on a hill, and Karura's eyes drifted to the side, taking in the city lights which twinkled just like the stars above. A breath of air escaped her lips, the awe of seeing such a sight washing over her, the experience feeling so new.

" _And yet, it may not be._ " Karura's body sunk into the chair, and her attention turned back to the gate of the complex. The sandy haired woman let her eyes trace the frame of the small doorway as Ebizo opened the door, revealing a small enclave featuring a small pond, and a small house. Karura felt her eyelids move, her mind taking in such a strange place build away from the rest of the city. Her head tilted slightly. " _This place, it doesn't feel like I need to know who I am to belong._ "

Chiyo noticed her curiosity, and leaned forward to whisper into the sandy haired woman's ear. "This is where I create my medicines, poisons, and puppets. It's always been a nice, quiet place to work from, even with Suna as populated as it is."

" _What does those three have in common? Medicine and poison are contradictions, aren't they?_ " Karura attempted to shake her head at the contradiction. " _No. I don't know why, but that actually isn't a contradiction._ " The young woman continued to look around at the place, noticing the stark whiteness that matched the hospital she came from, but gone was the nagging odor that came with such places. Instead a sweet smell, almost like what Karura thought home should smell like filled her nostrils.

The wheels of the chair scrunched as they went over the door frames, and finally Karura found herself settled into a room. A vase of a soft delicate white color stood on a nightstand waiting for flowers to be placed. The sheets were comfortable, allowing her to nestle down for a good nights sleep, her eyes batting shut at the sight of the moon outside the window of the room they provided for her. A knock awoke her, her body feeling rested despite what she thought to be her normal strength having not returned.

Lady Chiyo peered into the room, her normal frown upon her face, but a soft tone to her voice. "You have a couple of visitors today dear. Shall I help you get ready? It's the first time, isn't it since you've been able to make yourself presentable to company?"

Karura's eyes widened, the idea of being in normal clothing somehow coming off as appealing. The old woman helped her into her chair, the sandy haired female wondering how the wrinkled old woman had the strength to help her in such a manner. She found herself pushed over to in front of a nightstand, and mirror, and Karura took in the color of her eyes, and hair. " _Even to myself I am a stranger._ "

The smell of breakfast drifted in from the other room, and Lady Chiyo continued to frown as complaints about Ebizo's cooking rattled out of the old woman's mouth, but Karura found herself feeling light of heart. Her eyes closed at the ease she felt, and only opened when she heard the wheels of the chair rolling again, a sound clipping over the door frame as they headed to the kitchen.

Karura's indigo eyes widened upon seeing the two guests standing in the kitchen, waiting for her to get up. The auburn haired man leaned up against the wall, his mouth twisted up into a scowl, his brown eyes watching Ebizo as he cooked. The other person bustled about setting the table with dishes, the sandy haired locks falling down in front of his indigo colored eyes. Her head titled to the side, taking in the childish smirk on the young man's face.

" _He has the same color of hair and eyes as me._ " Her attention wavered, two indigo eyes darting to the flowers left on the table as well as the note. Karura felt her throat tightening upon seeing a letter. Chiyo rolled her over to the table, and the sandy haired woman's delicate fingers reached over to pick up the letter, opening it to read.

" _I don't know how you do all the amazing things you do Karura._ "

The words fumbled about in her head, not making any kind of sense. A rather gruff voice brought her from the thoughts in her head, and she looked up at the auburn haired man. "Is something the matter? Actually, if this isn't decent either..."

Karura shook her head, an itchy feeling lodged in her throat as her cheeks heated up slightly. "Uh, no. I'm just not understanding this secret admirer I have, how he knows where I am, or this later note."

"Oh? What has that fool written now?" Chiyo took the letter from her hands, the wrinkled old woman's eyes scanning the letter's content. "Oh. Now how is she supposed to know what these amazing things this fool talks about when she's lost her memories?"

The auburn haired man's eyebrows shot up. "If this secret admirer is a problem..."

"Don't worry about it." Karura's eyes darted to the table, and the heat spread to the tips of her ears at the thought of the auburn haired man getting involved in her problems.

"I'd best be going."

The door clicked, and the sandy haired female felt a sigh of relief escape her lips. Karura indigo eyes darted up to look into a matching pair, and saw a rather exasperated look on the young man's face. Something seemed to bother the sandy haired young man, but something else made the young woman feel he wouldn't tell her what. Her mouth opened, her mind drifting to another issue. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, but I don't know if I'll be able to answer. The doctors say you should regain your memories on your own."

"I see. Could you at least, would it be possible for you to tell me if we are twins? We look like we could be." Karura felt tension in her shoulders, her delicate fingers brushing together at the nervous feeling in her stomach.

"Twins?" The young man's head tilted slightly to look past Karura, and she knew he was turning to Lady Chiyo for advice. A sigh of relief escaped his lips, and a soft smile flitted across his face. "Sort of. I'm only allowed to say this because you deduced it on your own, but I'm actually your younger brother." The young man suddenly reached up to push the corners of his mouth up even further with one finger. "Just think. You're older, but look so much younger than me."

Two sandy haired eyebrows darted up, her entire body relaxing.


	6. Fool of a Man

"I'm an idiot." A nasty, dry feeling settled onto the roof of the Lord Kazekage's mouth as he walked away from Lady Chiyo's place. Rasa's arms crossed in a tense manner, his jaw set tightly as he fought back his frustration. "I am, absolutely, an idiot." Out of the corner of his eye the auburn haired man noticed someone looking at him, and his head turned to see two of Suna's villagers staring at him, almost as if he'd grown a second head. "What?"

"Are you alright, Lord Kazekage?"

Rasa's dark brown eyes blinked a couple of times before shaking off the fact he, the Lord Kazekage, was found acting in such a non-Kazekage manner. "I'm fine."

The auburn haired man's eyes drifted over to the hospital, and his shoulders relaxed thinking about the small child waiting in one of the rooms. His steps became quick, and his arms loosened slightly despite the fact they remained crossed. Rasa slipped into the hospital, the smell making him feel nauseated, but the quiet feeling washed over him. Stepping into the room where the small babe lay brought even more relief to the Kazekage, and Rasa stepped over so he could peer down into the crib. He paid no mind to the sand crunching under his sandal clad feet.

Rasa leaned against the bars, his brown eyes taking in the small, fragile infant lying on the mat, wondering if Gaara even noticed he was there. The infant's sea foam green eyes seemed to drift around the room, looking at things which weren't there, but then the eyes somehow managed to make eye contact with Rasa's, and the man spoke up. "Gaara."

The infant stopped moving, and soft baby sounds escaped his lips.

In turn a sigh escaped Rasa's as the auburn haired man leaned closer. "You're so fragile, aren't you? That's rather my fault, isn't it? I'm the Lord Kazekage, whose able to protect all of Suna, but when it comes to something small like you, what am I able to do?" Another soft sound came from the babe's mouth. "Ah, yes, I messed up, made it so you don't have your mother taking care of you."

Two chubby arms attempted to reach up, only to flow down due to the lack of physical strength in the small body. Rasa felt his throat tighten, the knowledge that the infant wanted up breaking his arm. The man reached down to brush two calloused fingers across the child's cheek. "I can't. I am so afraid I'd drop you. Imagine that, the Lord Kazekage afraid of something. Guess what else I'm afraid of Gaara? I'm also afraid of approaching your mother, confessing to her again."

Small, soft baby fingers reached up to touch the calloused fingers, and then latched on. Rasa felt his eyelids droop, a good feeling washing over him, and his eyes looked down into Gaara's sea foam green eyes. The infant tugged at the auburn haired man's fingers, tugging the digits towards his mouth, and the Kazekage felt the corners of his mouth twist up. The babe opened his mouth, presumably to let out a yawn, only to slip Rasa's fingers into his mouth.

A sickening feeling hit the pit of the auburn haired man's stomach as slobber began to cover the two fingers, and out of Gaara's mouth. Rasa felt his chest and throat tighten, the urge to call out rushing to his head with a burning sensation to the ears and cheeks, as a sudden feeling of anxiety ruptured over the man's entire psyche. Two brown eyes blinked a couple of times, and the Lord Kazekage's mouth opened and closed at a rapid pace a few times.

" _Gross, gross, what the hell is this? Remove my finger..._ " A shudder ran down Rasa's spine. " _No, I might hurt Gaara. What the hell am I supposed to do! Where is Yashamaru when you need him!"_ The auburn haired man took a deep breath, but found himself unable to move from the spot, but instead stared down into the sea foam green eyes. Gaara's eyes didn't remain focus, but instead drifted off to look again at things which weren't there, Rasa's fingers still in the infants mouth.

"Lord Ka-za-ka-ge?"

The singsong voice of his brother-in-law snapped Rasa's attention away, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Yashamaru..."

"Seriously, the look on your face when Lady Chiyo called you a fool, that was hysterical." The young man stepped forward, his thin body leaning over the edge of the crib, while his hands tucked behind his back. "Lord Gaara? Do the Lord Kazekage's fingers taste good?"

A gurgling sound escaped the babe's mouth, but the fingers remained, slobber dripping. Rasa's eyes narrowed, his lips twisting down. "Yashamaru, would you please help me here?"

Yashamaru's indigo eyes blinked a couple of times, his sandy haired head tilting to the side to look at his brother-in-law. "Rasa-nii, is it by chance that you've never had a baby stick your fingers into their mouth? You have three children, so how is that even possible?"

"This is _normal_?" Rasa felt his throat tighten, the sickening feeling increasing as he stared at the younger Shinobi.

"Here, here." The sandy haired man gently lifted up Gaara carefully, but didn't remove the auburn haired man's fingers from the infant's mouth. "When holding a baby, you need to support their head until they're strong enough to do this on their own."

With a gentle push Yashamaru set the baby in a position where Rasa could hold his young son, but the young Kazekage's entire body tensed up. "When... hold on a second!"

"Either you take Gaara now, or when I let go of him he's going to drop to the ground."

The tone of voice used by the sandy haired man sent a shudder down Rasa's spine, making him wonder how the medical ninja in front of him could be so cruel. A quick glance up into Yashamaru's eyes revealed a coldness, and instinctively his arms wrapped around the small, frail infant protectively. "Are you serious? You would drop a baby?"

A smile quickly spread across Yashamaru's face, that look Karura got when she's managed to do something tricky. "Now was that so hard Lord Kazekage?"

Rasa's eyes blinked a couple of times, and he suddenly felt a heaviness to his eyelids as his brother-in-law's actions caused a tired feeling to wash over him. "Yashamaru..." The auburn haired man's eyes drifted down to look at the child in his arm, and a heavy feeling hit him in the throat and in the gut. "Wait! I might drop him!"

"Don't worry. You didn't notice the sand on the floor? It would catch him before he fell to far."

"You... what..." Rasa's eyes drifted down, sweat breaking out along his back, and his teeth grinding together as he looked at the child. A tug from Yashamaru brought him over to a small table in the room, and the man felt his fingers tugged out of the infants mouth, causing Gaara to let out a sound of disappointment. Two brown eyes took in the sea foam green eyes crinkling up in frustration, and Rasa felt a strange feeling wash over him.

A cloth wiping off his fingers made his head dart up, his eyes blinking at the sight of his brother in law wiping off his fingers. A look of displeasure wrapped Yashamaru's lips into a frown, and the young man remained concentrated. "Seriously, what am I going to do with you. You're useless without my sister. Hold on a second."

The auburn haired man's two eyes blinked a couple of times, watching as Yashamaru headed out of the room, and then they drifted back down to the infant in his arms, his chest tightening at the thought of something so small, and fragile resting in hands that caused so much destruction. Rasa felt something warm against his cheek, and turned his head to the side to see Yashamaru holding out a bottle for him to take. "What..."

"Don't you dare say that you being Lord Kazekage makes you to good for such menial tasks."

Rasa noticed then the shadows under Yashamaru's eyes. "No. I'm likely to mess up. You're good at this, aren't you?"

"Nobody else wants to do it. Babies eat often." The sandy haired man's head shook. "I left him long enough this morning, to see how Karura-chan was doing.


	7. Sickening Feelings

The pleasant feeling brought about by living under the care of Lady Chiyo and her brother didn't erase the other feelings Karura felt, and the peaceful bliss strangely found itself interrupted one morning when she awoke from a nightmare. The sandy haired woman's indigo eyes blinked a couple of times as a throbbing feeling settled in her chest, and her throat, one delicate hand reaching up to touch right below her chin.

The young woman felt her eyes widened, her other hand reaching to touch her stomach, her throat swallowing in an attempt to brush away the sickening feeling. For a few minutes she closed her eyes, and then swung her feet out of the bed so that her toes touched the cold floor, allowing a relaxing feeling to wash over her, a sigh escaping through her lips. Karura pushed herself up with some of her regained strength, and sat down in front of the nightstand to attempt dressing herself.

A knock at the door, and Karura's head tilted so her sandy haired bangs feel in front of her eyes. The delicate fingers on her hand brushed the locks away, and a soft smile spread across the young woman's lips as she saw Lady Chiyo. The old woman came over, the wrinkles of her face crinkling even more with worry. "Let me help you. I know you want to be able to do things on your own, but that will come with time."

"I don't like not feeling strong." Karura looked herself in the eye, her mind wondering what she was like before she lost her memories.

"That to will come with time. Once you're strong enough, I can work with you on basic skills." Chiyo reached for a brush, and slowly began to brush out the tangles from the sandy locks, the soft, silky hair sliding through her wrinkled, calloused fingers. "By the way, it's been awhile, but you have another letter from your secret admirer, and on Valentine's day none the less."

The two indigo eyes the young woman saw in the mirror widened, some of the tiredness fleeing from the eyes, her lips twisting up into a soft smile, and a slight twinkle hitting her eyes briefly. "Oh really?"

"Personally, I am curious to see what that fool wrote you that time. What do you think of you're secret admirer?"

"My secret admirer? I doubt it's that auburn man, and that..." Karura shook her head, glad she could do such a thing without feeling dizzy. "Well, that secret admirer may not be what I'm hoping for, but at least it is something to look forward to, particularly since I'm not able to do much yet."

"Lean on me, and I'll help you into the kitchen." Chiyo despite her old body helped the young woman into the kitchen. "I believe your brother left you something as well."

The sandy haired female looked at the letter with it's box of candies, as well as the flowers in the vase, her eyes closing. Karura slid into the chair, the back supporting her body in such a way that she felt somewhat stronger then without. "I thought the tradition was for the female to give gifts on Valentines, and wait for reciprocation on White Day?"

"The man is a fool, your brother is a fool as well I'd say, if it weren't for the fact he's wanting something for you to be normal, to have something marked." Chiyo slipped into her own chair, her eyes drifting over to the stove. "If you're hungry, I can fix something for you to eat."

"Not yet. Eventually I'm going to be well enough that I can cook you something in return, Lady Chiyo." Karura felt the corners of her mouth turn up at the pleasant thought, her delicate fingers reaching for the letter to open the folded piece of papers. The smile quickly frowned, and Chiyo asked what the matter was upon seeing the delicate features fall in such a manner. She let out a sigh, and handed the letter to the old woman, and watched as one gray eyebrow twitched.

"'Happy Valentines. I hope I'm not being any trouble to you. If I am, I'll simply stop." A light chuckle escaped Chiyo's mouth. "My, my. That foolish child, though he's not a child anymore."

"I told him not to do anything!" Karura's lip slid out slightly. Her cheeks heated up as she looked down at the short letter, the urge to say something to the auburn haired man burning away, but another feeling, that she didn't want to drive him off also ate away, making her stomach turn. The young woman thought carefully over what to do, and finally brushed her sandy haired locks away from her indigo eyes. "Would it be possible to have paper and writing utensils?"

"Of course." Chiyo headed out of the room, and soon came back with a rather nice set, allowing it to clink down.

Karura took the brush into her hand, the feeling of having something that felt familiar despite the fact she didn't remember ever writing anything in her life washing over her, and removing some of the irritation she felt. Putting the brush to paper, and getting her thoughts out made a peaceful feeling replace the negative thoughts.

_~ To my secret admirer,_

_To be honest, I am not sure whether I appreciate the letters I am being sent. I know I don't dislike having the letters sent, but truth is I find myself wishing you to be a certain someone, but I personally doubt I would be lucky enough for..._

The paper crumpled with a resounding sound, and a nice, Karura heard a nice, crisp sound as she took another piece of paper.

_~ To my secret admirer,_

_I am a bit perplexed as to why you are asking about whether your affections bother me or not. I specifically told that young man who was here the other day, not to say anything, to do anything, but here you are asking such a question. The reason you know, is because he told you, is it not._

_How do I feel about your affections? I am honestly not sure. I've been wishing, even hoping that you are a certain someone, but I don't think I would be that lucky. Despite the fact I am rather neutral on the affections you've been lavishing on me, I can say I don't dislike the letters, and gifts. I've had nothing to do, and it does give me something to look forward to. I can't though guarantee that I'll reciprocate your feelings._

_One question I'd like you to answer, did that auburn haired man tell you? Please tell him I am quite displeased with him._

_~ Karura_

The sandy haired woman let out a soft breath, letting it flutter across her lips. Her eyes closed shut, and she pushed the paper to Chiyo who picked it up, letting out a soft chuckle as she did. "I'll see that he gets it."


	8. Council Medlings

Everything in Suna...

Rasa couldn't help but notice how things remained the same despite the fact he found himself without Karura, nor could the auburn haired man feel as if he, as the Lord Kazekage, was expected to act as if nothing changed. A dull thudding emotion flitted around in the back of his head, the agitation at not being able to react to the situation he and his wife found themselves in draining him emotionally. " _Shinobi aren't supposed to feel emotion, so why am I complaining?_ "

Emotionally though the young Kazekage thought differently.

" _How can I be expected to act like everything is normal, when there wasn't a time when I was Kazekage, and I wasn't with Karura._ " The man leaned back so his auburn haired locks hung down touching the back of his neck, his eyes and mouth feeling dry, his frustration at the situation not fading as time passed. His calloused fingers touched the top of the desk, hoping one of the elders from the council wouldn't come into the office to lecture him.

Into his view came a piece of paper in someone's hand, making Rasa sit up so his forehead smacked against the piece of paper, one corner of his mouth twitching. His calloused hand reached up to grab the piece of paper from Yashamaru, and out of the corner of his eye he saw the soft smile spread across his brother-in-laws lips. Opening up the letter didn't bring any kind of pleasant feeling, and instead the auburn haired man felt like a rock settled into his stomach. He held the letter up to Yashamaru. "This isn't funny."

"Isn't funny." His brother-in-law took the letter from him, Yashamaru's indigo eyes tracing the words in the letter, making the smile slowly fade from his lips. "Sorry, but..." A laugh escaped the man's face, and the young sandy haired man let the letter drop down onto the desk. "It is funny. You walked right into that one you know."

"Exactly how am I to reply? Karura's wanting an answer."

"Tell her the truth like I told you to." Yashamaru leaned over sideways, letting the palm of his hands support him by resting on the top of the desk. Even the young sandy haired man's face remained sideways, the smirk on his lips refusing to fade away this time.

"As if she'd believe me. As if she'd want to be with me, of all people." Rasa's brown eyes looked at the annoying letter, and flicked the fold of the paper with his finger, sending the paper to the other side of the desk. The Lord Kazekage leaned back so his brown eyes looked up at the ceiling, his mind attempting to think of a way to respond to what Karura wrote. The way they expected him to act, and the way he wished to act seemed so far away, and even farther away was figuring out how to deal with the situation.

The auburn man didn't know this feeling of utter exasperation could even grow farther, but the next few days while he walked around Suna to get an idea of how the villagers were doing made him realize the situation could indeed become worse. The whispers of two women stopped him short, more so from what they said then the fact they were randomly gossiping about things.

"How can the Lord Kazekage walk around as if nothing happened?" These words from an older woman, a woman Rasa recognized as an associate of Lady Chiyo made him stop in his tracks, his auburn head of hair turning so his brown eyes could look at the woman.

"You know full well that situation, Gaara's birth, it's taken it's toll on the Lord Kazekage, otherwise we would have had a funeral a lot sooner. He still believes she's alive, so having a funeral..."

Rasa's head titled to the side, his mind trying to figure out what the women met, the sudden sickening feeling in his stomach upon realizing created a drain of heat from his face. One calloused hand reached out, "now hold on, Karura isn't..." The Lord Kazekage found his words freezing in his throat so he couldn't get even that part out, as the two women noticed him standing there, and gave the auburn haired man looks of utter pity. Confusion also thundered around in his head as to why the two women would think such a thing.

The two women walked forward, one patting him on the arm as they passed. The auburn haired man's fingers reached into his clothes to touch the letter he'd received from Karura, his throat and mouth feeling as if they were on fire, the urge to yell out loud that the women were wrong being pushed back by the mere fact Rasa was the Kazekage. A sigh escaped his lips, and his calloused finger felt the crease in the paper, knowing full well a meeting with the elders was in just a few days.

Hearing the rumors still didn't prepare him for what the council had to say, possibly due to the small hope fluttering around Rasa's head that they wouldn't put forth such a recommendation, but the suggestion they kept bringing up regarding Gaara before the delicate infant was born honestly should have told him they would make such a suggestion.

"Lord Kazekage. Are you aware of the rumors, that Lady Karura is dead?"

"She most certainly is not. Yashamaru brings me a status report of how she is doing everyday, and while her memories are not in tact, she is actually doing fine." His head tilted towards Lady Chiyo and her brother. "Lady Chiyo could very well fill you in as well, as Karura is staying with her."

Lady Chiyo's eyes closed, her wrinkled face looking more tired then she usually did. "Lord Rasa, I'll get to the point that the rest of the council is getting to. Please understand that I, and Ebizo don't agree with this, and if Yashamaru were here he would have put his word in as well."

Rasa felt the corners of his mouth sink, knowing full well what she had to say wouldn't be to his liking.

"The majority of the council believes that it is best to declare Karura dead to the village."

The sinking feeling in the auburn haired man's chest grew deeper, and he looked around at all of the council members there. "What is the logic behind this?"

"This is in part your fault Lord Kazekage." One of the elders outside of Lady Chio and Ebizo spoke up, and Rasa let his nose wrinkle up, the corners of his mouth deepening as he listened to the man speak, and the auburn haired man remembered he'd never liked this particular elder. "Instead of acting like a man and claiming what is rightfully yours, you decided to play a pansy."

The Lord Kazekage's eyelids lifted up, and the auburn man's lips twisted up in amusement, his throat tightening at the insults thrown his way. "Are you saying I should force myself on her? You must be..."

The man gave him the look Rasa remembered getting from his father when the man wasn't pleased with something he said or did. "Lord Kazekage, are you that childish that you would actually think that is what we are talking about? We're talking about the fact you didn't tell Karura who you were, nor did you choose to bring her home. You didn't even consult us on what would be best.

" _These are the people who insisted it was a good idea to put Shukaku into my unborn child, putting both my wife and son at high risk._ " Rasa took a deep breath. "That's still forcing myself on her, forcing her to do something against her will. I am a stranger to her."

"That be it as it may, it is your job as the Kazekage to put the interests of the village first, and they need their Lord to have his wife at his side regardless of her condition. She also would have gotten better faster had you insisted she be taken to a familiar environment, rather then Lady Chiyo's place. You've also put us into a bind, keeping what happened to Karura secret like you are. You've forbidden us to speak of the matter."

"I said not to parry words when we don't have enough information to give."

"And because of this the village thinks she is dead, and you Lord Kazekage are in denial. Dead, Lord Kazekage. We've no choice to declare her dead. It's not as if we can easily explain away why you kept her condition secret. You say that's not what you did, but in reality it is what you did." The man folded his arms. "We're not going to back down on this."

"And what pray tell if she gets her memories back? What then?"

"What then?" The man took a deep breath. "We'll deal with that when the time comes. It would be a lot easier to explain later on, rather then now."

"I disagree. We could say..."

"Your wife is not even living in the same house as you, and is being kept at Lady Chiyo's as if she were some mistress. This needs to be done."

Rasa took a deep breath, no words coming to his head. The auburn haired man's mind drifted back to the words the man said, about how as Lord Kazekage he should have put the villages needs first over his own. Rasa folded his fingers together. "You say that it is my job as the Kage to put the villages needs first, which I will not deny is true. However, not saying anything about Karura has not put the village in harms way."

"Not yet, but if people continue to think you're in denial about your wife's death, the village will be in danger. If you come out and say she lost her memories, you'll have people demanding to see her, so they can verify it is true."

The auburn haired man ground his teeth together, Rasa's hand's gripping the edge of the table. His dark brown eyes drifted over to Chiyo, only to see that look on her face indicating not to argue. The Lord Kazekage looked at the table. "Fine. Do you have any idea where this rumor started, that Karura is dead?"

"You don't know?" Another one of the elders seemed surprised, indicating Rasa wouldn't like the answer.


	9. Death Through Words

"You don't know?"

The auburn haired man thought the council was mocking him, looking at him as if he'd done something which couldn't be taken back, almost like how Rasa couldn't take back putting Shukaku into his unborn son. The man took a deep breath, preparing himself for the words he knew were coming, the Lord Kazekage's eyes closing shut tightly.

"The rumor started with your children."

Rasa's eyes snapped open, his brown eyes taking in the looks on the council members faces, and he saw the discomfort on Lady Chiyo and Ebizo's faces. His right hand reached up to rub his neck, the tension in the auburn haired man's neck growing, Rasa's throat tightening as he waited for the answer. His fingers reached in to touch the letter from Karura, but the man's courage remained fleeting.

"The children's babysitters overheard it from the children. You do realize that this means you've not been doing a good job with them? Do you understand now _why_ we have to take the route we are?"

The room felt like it was spinning, and the auburn haired man's stomach churned uncomfortable. Despite the fact Rasa had an inkling of what they were getting at, he still for some reason didn't wish to admit that he might know. "No. I don't get it."

The elders gave him exasperated looks, and one spoke up. "Simple. Your children believe that their mother is dead because _you_ didn't bother explaining things to them."

"If I had known..."

"Whether you knew or not doesn't matter. Why would your children lie about such a thing, and why would you not correct them? Don't you think the people would ask that."

"Understood. If everything is finished, may I take my leave. I believe there is a matter I need to see to." Rasa didn't like the looks of displeasure plastered over most of the elders faces, and hoped he wouldn't need to argue about seeing his two eldest. The men nodded their heads, and the auburn haired man stood up, his calloused hands wet with sweat, the Lord Kazekage's stomach churning as he headed into territory he didn't like.

Lady Chiyo followed close behind him, and his dark eyes darted dow to look her in the eye. The old woman chuckled, her wrinkled face breaking out into a smile. "Honestly, I would like to know how those two children came to think Karura's dead, and thus putting us into this mess."

"This situation isn't funny old hag." The auburn man snapped, only to find a cane snapped into the back of his knee making him jolt down to the ground so Chiyo could give him a good hard whack on the head. A calloused hand reached up to the auburn haired head, and Rasa let out a few choice curses.

"You may now be Kazekage young man, but I am still your elder, and you the foolish child, so I can chide you when needed."

Ebizo walked past Rasa at that point, having remained unnoticed to the young Kazekage. "Rasa, Rasa. You'll never learn will you, when dealing with my sister."

One brown eye closed, Rasa's teeth grinding together, the old woman's antics always driving the auburn haired man to the brink of insanity. He stood up and followed after them, his calloused hands shoving in to his clothing, the fingers of one hand touching the letter again. Opening up the door, his throat felt like a rock lodged in just the wrong position. Temari and Kankuro didn't come to greet him like they did when Karura still lived with them either, and his heart sank.

"Temari! Kankuro! Come here!" His brown eyes darted around, not pleased at seeing no sign of the children. Rasa stepped to the front of the room, and saw two small figures huddled next to the table, Temari's small arms wrapped around her brother. The Lord Kazekage looked around for the gennin team which should have been taking care of the two toddlers, and heard a clunking sound in the kitchen indicating their location. Rasa's arm folded across his chest, and he felt his mouth deepen into a sharp frown. "So? Why did you tell people your mother is dead?"

Temari flinched at that point, and a guilty feeling pounded through Rasa's head as he looked at his small daughter, but the frown didn't melt from his face. Words stammered out of her mouth, as if she thought her father was angry with her. "You said so."

Kankuro burst into tears at that point, and one of the gennin came running from the room to comfort the child, only for the two year old to pull away, further into Temari's arms. Rasa let out a deep breath. "When did I say so?"

"You said..." Temari's mouth formed into a pout, making Rasa feel his frustration grow.

Lady Chiyo waved at the young gennin. "Since the Lord Kazekage is back, your D rank mission is complete. Please leave through the kitchen."

The gennin quickly complied, hurrying away towards the kitchen, a slamming of the kitchen door indicating that the young squad had left. Rasa continued to look at his daughter, attempting to put on the most stern look he could muster. "Temari..."

The girl's lip trembled, her beautiful eyes welling with tears. One sleeve unlatched from around Kankuro to wipe the tears away. "You said..."

"I said what?"

The pout slid from Temari's face, and her small arms wrapped protectively around Kankuro again, this time tighter then before as her brother sobbed away. She returned her father's stern look with one of her own. "You said mommy's not coming home!"

Rasa blinked a couple of times, the stern look on his face melting away for pure confusion. At that point Kankuro's sobs became louder, and the two year old stood up, snot coming out of his small nose, the redness making Rasa flinch at how nasty the child looked. His mouth opened up to say something, only for a small figure to rush forward, crashing into the Lord Kazekage's legs, making the man fall to the ground.

The auburn haired man almost thought Kankuro was coming to his father for comfort, but the sound of small feet rushing away to the bedrooms told him this wasn't the case. Temari stood up, her small face twisted up in anger, her small hands placed on her hips. "You said mommy's not coming home! You didn't care she's dead!"

The small girl crossed her arms across her chest, Temari's facial features going back to mimicking the stern look Rasa gave her, rather then the usual softness of Karura's face her father came to love about the three year old. The toddler proceeded to stomp past him, also heading to the bedrooms, a door slamming indicating she was now in her room. The auburn haired man sat on his but, staring at the far wall, wondering what just happened. His right hand reached up to run calloused fingers through his auburn locks.

"What just happened?"

Lady Chiyo's cane tapped the top of his head. "What happened? You fool..." A sigh escaped the old woman's wrinkled lips, Rasa's face tightening in the cheek area under the eye. "Look, around here when you say someone isn't coming home, it usually means they're dead."

The auburn haired man let her words sink in, and then pushed himself up off the ground, the Lord Kazekage heading towards the door to his daughters room. "Temari!" Rasa banged his fist on the door. "Open up! I need to talk to you!"

"Kankuro and I hate you!"

Rasa felt the corner of his mouth twitch, the words his small daughter said hitting him like a dagger to the chest. Both arms dropped to his side, and his head hung down, the auburn haired man's entire body leaning towards the door so his forehead touched the wooden door, a deep sigh escaping his lips. He felt a tap on the inside of his thigh, and he turned his head to see Lady Chiyo behind him.

The lecture the Lord Kazekage knew was coming came. "Seriously, you're such a fool. I don't know what to do with you."


	10. Passage of Time

Watching the pained expression on his children's faces made him second guess not telling Karura the truth, as did a lecture from Lady Chiyo. Yet, upon finding himself at the place he found himself tongue-tied regarding what to say. In Karura's mind he was a stranger, yet not someone she seemed attracted to. " _Why'd she even agree to marry me? No, better yet, why did she allow me courting privileges? I am such a mess._ "

He stood by the pound outside of Lady Chiyo's home, stewing over what to do. Karura finally came out, and for a few moments he felt his spirits lift up. However, she gave him that glare only Karura could do. Mentally, he corrected himself, reminding himself that Lady Tsunade also could give him such glares. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but she quickly told him off.

Specifically, she poked him in the shoulder in a painful manner. "Don't! I told you not to say anything or do anything, yet you did! Why? Why did you have to tell him when I asked you not to? He honestly wasn't bothering me, but you most certainly are! It's like you and my secret admirer are two different people."

"I'm sorry." Rasa took a deep breath. "What if someone were to simply tell you who you are?"

Karura continued to frown on him, placing her hands onto her hips. "My doctors said it is best if I remember on my own." She poked him in the shoulder, making him flinch again. "And what business is that of yours? I asked my secret admirer if they'd tell you off. He didn't tell you that I was displeased with you?"

"That… I, um…" He looked away, feeling dumbstruck at said comment.

"He did, yet you still came here? Are you some kind of stalker?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean…" He stopped speaking, feeling as if he were simply digging himself deeper.

"Stay here."

Rasa paused, glancing up as she headed back into Lady Chiyo's home. Karura seemed determined about something, only for her to shove a piece of paper into his arms, her irritation quite evident. "Never mind! I'm not going to ask you to take this to him because it's so obvious that you're out to sabotage what he's doing! Don't you understand I was looking forward to another letter, but he's so worried about upsetting me he hasn't sent one? The two of you are such fools."

Rasa uncrumpled the paper and read, " _To my secret admirer, I am truly upset with you. I hear nothing from you, yet I hear from this friend of yours? I want to hear from you, not him. How can I reciprocate your feelings, if you don't respond and I can't decide? If he…_ "

The letter cut off at that point, yet Rasa still felt his ear yanked painfully. "What are you doing?"

"I…"

"Are you telling me you'd actually have read my private letter to my secret admirer? You jerk! Get out of my sight." She quickly shoved the man's shoulders yet gave him a swift kick in the rear. "Get!"

Rasa closed his eyes, deciding today it would be better to leave. He found himself sitting at his desk, listening to someone drone on about funeral plans for his wife who wasn't dead when Yashimaru came in. His brother-in-law shooed the person away. "So? Please tell me you did it? That you told her?"

"She hates me."

"Rasa, my sister loves you."

"She loves the person in the letter."

"Which is you."

"She thinks we're two different people Yashimaru, and already I can't live up to that." Rasa pushed the letter forward, unsure of how to go forward."

"At least, respond to. Please, nii-sama?"

"I…" Rasa leaned into his arms. He went to Lady Chiyo's a few times, only to receive a glare, yet Yashimaru's pestering got the better of him as did his children crying themselves to sleep at night. However, it was still some time until he wrote the next letter.

" _I'm sorry for not responding sooner. I am such a fool. I wanted my response to you to be perfect, yet it feels like I'm struggling now just as much with putting words on paper as I am face to face. Honestly, I don't care if you ever reciprocate my feelings. I am a fool who doesn't deserve as much. Yet, it would make my world if I could simply communicate with you through letters._ "

She actually wrote a response. " _I'd love to communicate with you. How about we promise to switch months? This way we'll know the other is still alive? I may not remember much, but something tells me with how I became ill that we shouldn't take life's moments for granted. Since I don't know your name, and you know mine, I'll leave them unsigned. I'll leave it to my brother to deliver them._ "

" _Agreed. I can communicate with you every other month, but I look forward to your letters. I don't know what to write. I guess I could say Yashimaru isn't happy with this._ "

" _He's my brother, so of course he's going to be worried about me communicating with a strange man I don't know. However, I don't know many things. I am stuck here day after day doing nothing, yet I get this feeling if I go outside everything will come crashing down because someone will tell me, and I'll never get those precious memories back._ _By the way, that auburn-haired man keeps hanging around. He doesn't say much. Are you him? You said you struggled to speak to me via word of mouth._ "

" _Would you be happy I am him, or would you be happy if I were someone else? I personally wouldn't want to be him._ "

" _Why would you not want to be that auburn-haired man? Is there a specific reason._ "

" _No reason I guess. I guess I'm dissatisfied with who he is, yet I can imagine he doesn't want to be who he is any more than I want to be me. How are you doing, given that it has been a year since you lost your memories, so I guess asking you how you're doing isn't out of the question?_ "

Rasa found himself leaning back as he finished writing the letter. A year had passed, yet Karura still hadn't gotten her memories back.


End file.
